[worthy] : having worth or value; having sufficient worth or importance;
Something pressing on my heart lately has been my worthiness. My greatest insecurity is feeling “less than” or “second best”. Even though I know my identity as a daughter of the King and a joint heir with Christ, sometimes my humanity wiggles in and I feel the weight of that insecurity.
It’s as if I’ve painted a picture of my life, vivid and colorful, with my biggest dreams being lived out. In this picture, I’m married to an incredibly godly man, I have 12 puppies, and a huge, HUGE family. I’m walking out exactly what God has for me, and I am living in the constant peace of His presence.
But then, below that, there’s a slightly duller picture. It’s painted in black and white. You can see me doing something mundane, average, boring. I’m married to someone who may or may not love Jesus very much, and our desires for family and future don’t line up necessarily. It’s not that this life is bad. In fact, most days would be fine. But I don’t pursue my biggest heart dreams, and I live and die living outside of the abundant River of Life.
I see both of these images in my head, stacked on top of one another. The life I want is obvious, but my own insecurity of what I deserve based on my mistakes makes me think that I can only attain the average, black-and-white life.
But Jesus came to give us life and life more abundantly. He came to give me the wild, crazy, wonderful dreams in my heart for writing, for family, for marriage to a Jesus-loving, adventuring best friend. He came so I could travel the world and meet people, exploring His Creation. He came so that I could rest in Him, knowing that my sins do not discount His love for me.
But still, in the quiet moments of the night, an enemy voice sneaks into my heart saying,
You’re covered in your sins, and everyone can see them.
Do you not see what you’ve done?
You should be ashamed of yourself.
You aren’t capable of achieving your dreams. Settle where you are.
You aren’t worthy of love.
If I don’t squash the lies before they settle into my heart as truth, I find myself spiraling and choosing the mundane, black-and-white life.
I’m not sure if you’ve ever had that happen to you. Maybe you have a past. I’m a firm believer that we all have a past. We all have done things we aren’t proud of. I also believe that we all have a present. We’re all doing things we aren’t proud of. We are forever and always works-in-progress, until we go home to Jesus.
But your muddy past does not have to stain your future.
You are worthy of the career you want.
You are worthy of the adventures you want to take.
You are worthy of the family you want to have one day.
You are worthy of the amazing man or woman that God has for you.
Not tomorrow. Not next year. Not when you “get your act together.”
You’re worthy today. Now. Because of who He is and who we are to Him.
You are called capable. Loved. Redeemed. Pure. Innocent. Talented. Exquisite. Respectable. Trustworthy. Kind-Hearted. Intelligent. Cherished. Worthy.