Inbred within my flesh is the desperate need to defend myself.
To protect myself.
To guard my own heart.
When backed into a corner, there is an instinctual response of raising a wall, lifting my fists in defense, and fighting back. When words fly and I feel under attack, I slip on my independent pants and defend my character, because obviously everyone is calling it into question. When there is a wrong tone of voice- accusing, judgmental, belittling- I snap back in bitterness, because obviously they are against me.
Christian author David Hino writes that, “an orphan spirit is person who lacks emotional identity and seeks to earn his identity through his/her efforts. Their symptoms include a critical spirit, being defensive, unable to take correction, feeling abandoned and blames others.
Lacking emotional identity, seeking to earn identity through his/her efforts sounds like –
“I will be affirmed if my boss notices how hard I’ve been working and praises me for it.”
“I will feel emotionally secure if that one person wants me.”
“I will earn God’s affection. I need to clean up my act so He’ll love me more.”
A critical spirit sounds like –
“That person really needs to work on their issue with pride.”
“I can’t believe this person is living so immorally. Have you seen what they’re doing?”
Being defensive, unable to take correction sounds like –
“I’m fine, just drop it.”
“Yes, I know I have pride issues, but so do you!”
“I’m not going to let anyone in close enough to hold me accountable. They don’t have a right to tell me what to do when they’re screwed up, too. I’ll handle it myself.”
Feeling abandoned and blaming others sounds like –
“I guess I’m doing this on my own.”
“I will do anything not to take the criticism for this, even if that means throwing people I love under the bus.”
“No one is in my corner. Everyone is against me. I need to stand up for myself and fight back.”
An orphan spirit sounds like me.
15 For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:15)
We are adopted. I am adopted. I have not been left to fight for myself. I have not been abandoned to live life on my own. I have been chosen. I am fought for. I am defended by my Father. I am covered by the blood of Jesus. I am a loved member of the Royal Family. I have the rights and privileges of being the daughter of the King. I do not have to fight. Or defend. I am not an orphan anymore. I am a child of God.