I doubt – often. I ask God, “Are you even there?” occasionally. I go days without having a meaningful conversation with God. I base my relationship with Him on the way I feel about it. Do I feel fulfilled, joyful, super-spiritual? Then He must really love me right now, and our relationship must be solid. Do I feel empty, abandoned, neglected – as if I’m sitting in silence, waiting on someone to show up that never does? He must have gotten bored with me or tired of giving me second chances, and He left me to my selfish desires.
Too often my feelings outweigh my faith. My feelings dictate my perception of reality. But God’s truth about who He is and who I am to Him are the only constant things I can always count on, even when my emotions tell me otherwise. My feelings fluctuate daily – hourly, even. But Truth does not change even when my feelings do.
I catch myself singing worship songs at church while my mind is caught in the web of my circumstances. I’m not tuned in. I don’t attempt to actually proclaim from my heart the goodness of God because my emotions and worry are telling me that He isn’t good. More frequently than I’d like to admit, I believe my feelings over truth.
Yes, absolutely, God can enter into the emotion we are feeling. If we are hurting, Psalms 34:18 tells us that He is “near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” The joy and exuberance for life we feel is founded in the heart of God and His goodness. But I can’t continue allowing my feelings to take the throne in my heart that the person of Jesus is supposed to occupy. I can’t bow down to whatever whim my emotions decide to pursue, disregarding the ultimate truth of what Jesus says about me.
I am not out of place, too much to handle, too messy to forgive. I am the righteousness of Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:21).
I am not going to live in this difficult circumstance forever. God has a plan for my life that is prosperous. (Jeremiah 29:11).
I am not “less than”, below average, second-rate. I am the head and not the tail; first and not last. (Deuteronomy 28:13).
I am not looked over by God or considered incapable of greatness. I am God’s handiwork, created to do great things, which He prepared in advance for me to do. (Ephesians 1:10).
I am not too far gone for grace. From His fullness – His overabundance, we all have grace upon grace. (John 1:16)
I am not unloved, no matter what I do. There is nothing that can separate me from His love. (Romans 8:38-39)
My feelings cannot dictate my faith in God.
“Sometimes you sing it because you believe it,
and sometimes you sing it until you do.”